Living with Pain ~ Guest Author Matt Barrett

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My first memory of all this starting is being a little over 2. Going into dr.’s offices and having liquid nitrogen sprayed over most my back to burn off basal cell carcinomas. I know there were procedures before this but I can’t remember them. This was the start of what has been a very long and painful journey. 

The journey has taught me a lot about myself, strength, endurance, sacrifice and human nature. Looking back at pictures of myself when I was younger and seeing the changes both visible and not visible, make me think about my life. 

My features have changed as well as attitudes and how I see myself and the world around me. I’ve learned how cruel people can be when presented with something they don’t know. I've learned how I want to be treated and how to treat others. I've learned how superficial this world can be. 

Saying that my life has been an adventure and struggle would be an understatement. Though at the same time, I have experienced and done things many dream of. I’ve traveled through all 50 states, Canada, Mexico, and Puerto Rico. I worked with circuses and carnivals. Unfortunately, along my travels I have been called a hobo, bum, monster, freak, and beast, seeing the good, bad, ugly, and worst that society and the world have to offer. Yet through it all, I have tried to stay positive and leave a positive mark behind. 

I had a lot of anger and violence in me when I was younger, because of my childhood and family. Unfortunately it came out in very negative and hurtful ways, which caused a lot of people pain and suffering. For that I am sorry and I have tried to change. 

The journey has had many turns and twists, a lot of good and bad, heartache and broken dreams. Along the way I have made friends and enemies have hurt and been hurt, seen my world and I change both physically and personally. I’ve tried to stay positive through it all though not successful all the time. 

I have been suicidal and without hope. Determined and stronger than I thought I could ever be. People have said that I am an inspiration and wish more people could know my story, as for me I am a survivor knowing that others have had challenges that I haven’t. I have always said “I wouldn’t wish my life on even my enemy“ and that’s true though there are parts I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Saturday, May 25, 2013 at 5pm PDT. (St. Joseph's Catholic Church in Seattle Washington). The doctor feels my time is short and my body is weakening so we are going to have a "Celebrate Life" Party. I hope you can come.